On this Flash Back Friday episode, Jason discusses a previous Meet the Masters of Income Property event and introduces speaker Garrett Sutton. Jason dives into his latest book on protecting your assets. In the interview segment of the show, he hosts Emily Filloramo to discuss getting rid of negative self-talk and unlocking us from fear and shame that may be holding us back. Filloramo explains how childhood traumas have lasting effects on both our business and personal lives. She shows us how to recognize negative self-talk and how to create protective systems.
This show is produced by the Hartman media company. For more information and links to all our great podcasts visit Hartman media.com.
Welcome to this week’s edition of flashback Friday, which also happens to be a 10th episode. Those of you who subscribe regularly to the podcast know that every 10th episode, Jason goes off topic and brings you something outside of the real estate space that actually affects the real estate space in the long run. Of course, flashback Friday is your opportunity to get some good review by listening to episodes from the past that Jason has hand picked to help you today in the present and propel you into the future. Enjoy.
Welcome to the creating wealth show with Jason Hartman. You’re about to learn a new slant on investing some exciting techniques and fresh new approaches to the world’s most historically proven asset class that will enable you to create more wealth and freedom than you ever thought possible. Jason is a genuine self made multi millionaire who’s actually been there and done it. He’s a successful investor, lender, developer and entrepreneur who’s owned properties in 11 states had hundreds of tenants and been involved in thousands of real estate transactions. This program will help you follow in Jason’s footsteps on the road to your financial independence day. You really can do it. And now here’s your host, Jason Hartman with the complete solution for real estate investors.
Jason Hartman 1:33
Welcome to the creating wealth show this is episode number 610 610. And regular listeners you know what that means. Any episode that ends in a zero is where we go off topic and discuss something of general interest and boy today you’re going to love this episode. The guests was fantastic Her name is Emily filler amo. she discusses how to erase negative self talk. You know, we’re all talking to ourselves. At hundreds and hundreds of words per minute, and we should be very careful what we say to ourselves, impacts a lot of life. But for the intro portion today I’ve got one of our keynote speakers from the upcoming meet the Masters event here with me. And that is the very famous Garrett Sutton attorney and multiple best selling author of several of the rich dad books. Rich Dad advisors. Garrett, welcome. How are you?
Good. Thanks for having me on the show. Jason.
Jason Hartman 2:29
Yeah, it’s good to have you on and we’re just having you on for a quick intro today. Of course, you’ve been on the show several times before where we’ve done full length in depth interviews, and they’re always great. You’re speaking at our upcoming meet the Masters event in San Diego in January, just a few weeks away, give the audience a little preview of what you’re going to talk about.
Well, sure, Jason. I’m going to be talking about my topic asset protection. And we need to realize that litigating has not stopped. People are still suing, and they’re suing at an increasing velocity it the the number of lawsuits in this country has it’s staggering how many lawsuits are filed. So it asset protection is always an important topic. And we need to understand the rules that change from state to state. California has some unique rules for investors, whether you live in California or invest in California, it’s important to know how the state of California treats things. And so we’re going to be talking about a lot of great issues. And you know, the first part of the year in January, it’s a great time to sit down and review what you’re doing and your structure. And so this will be an opportunity for people to think about asset protection and maybe make some changes to their structure to better protect them themselves.
Jason Hartman 3:58
Yeah, I certainly think so. In general Your advice has been great. You’ve set up entities for me and are continuing to do. So. This is all part of estate planning, too. So these two really go hand in hand. Now, Garrett, you know, this won’t apply to all of our listeners. But you know, it’ll be interesting nonetheless. And I just want you to talk for just a moment address what you alluded to about that California issue in the Socialist Republic of California, even if you have entities and are doing business in another state or jurisdiction. What does California do to you? They really penalize you just because you live in California, right?
They sure do. Jason and when you talk to the Franchise Tax Board, you can hear it in their voice. This is about salaries and pensions. For the bureaucracy. public employee unions. Yes. Yeah. ripping off the taxpayer. Exactly. Here’s the situation. If you are a California resident, and you have a four Plex in Arizona, You have an Arizona LLC on title to that four Plex. The income from that four Plex flows from the Arizona LLC to you and California and you pay California taxes on it. That’s how it’s always work. But that’s not enough now for the state of California. The State of California says if you are living in California and managing the Arizona LLC, air go You are due at the Arizona LLC is doing business in the state of California, because you’re a California resident managing it. As such, you need to pay that darn $800 per year, even though all the activity, the property the rents are generated in Arizona, by virtue of you managing that property. While you sit in California. The California Franchise Tax Board says pay us the $800 because you’re doing that Arizona LLC is doing business in the state of California. And if you don’t pay the $800, and they find out about it, the penalty is $12,000. So it’s really something that rich people really need to be aware of this. Because, you know, you may say, oh, California will never catch me, whatever if they do, it can be quite an onerous penalty.
Jason Hartman 6:25
This is just unbelievable. You know, California has been ranked by many places, many news media organizations as the worst place to do business in the United States of America. Certainly New York is up there is it’s pretty darn bad. And there are some other places Illinois is pretty bad. There are some others as well, but California just constantly gets it. Now, in addition to this $800, which is basically what the state of California charges one to have an entity here $800 per year, even if you don’t make a dime from your entity, but in addition to that, What happens from an asset protection perspective? You gave the Arizona example but it could be a property in Texas it could be property in Georgia, whatever. So some liability is created out of that property. You know, the the old slip and fall thing that really probably almost never happens. But you’d like to hear lawyers, they talk about it all the time and insurance agents do. But what happens with the liability issue because if you’re sued in California, say you have a car accident, it’s beyond your insurance limit. Or, or in your in California or the property in Arizona, Texas, Georgia, whatever, it creates liability. What what happens there? what’s the what’s the asset protection angle, or is there one?
Well, there is and we’re going to be talking about this in January at the course. But you have an inside attack or a tenant sues the Arizona property. Arizona has got a pretty good asset protection law. You have the outside attack where you get in a car wreck in California, and they would like to get at the Arizona property because you You’ve had to qualify to do business in California, you may find the California Court asserting that California law should apply. However, we don’t have a case on this yet. So I like having a Wyoming entity qualified in California and then asserting the argument that Wyoming law applies. Wyoming offers excellent asset protection. And so we like to get with people on the phone and go through the strategy because everybody’s strategies a little bit different. But just know, Jason, you want you raise a very good point. California has a weak asset protection law, and you want to talk to someone about how to structure your affairs, especially if you live in California.
Jason Hartman 8:49
Very good point. Very good point. And I I’m gonna guess that maybe, you know, 30 35% of our clients live in California. We have listeners from 164 countries. And plants all over the world all over the US all over Canada as well. But a lot of them live in California. Maybe it’s just because that’s where I got my start. Garrett, any other sort of big topics that you’re going to cover at our upcoming meet the masters of income property event in January?
Well, we’ll be talking about the California issue. We’ll be talking about the inside versus outside attack. We’ll be talking about series LLC is there a lot of people like them I’m not a big fan of them. And so we’ll be talking about the the pluses and for me the negatives of the series, LLC.
Jason Hartman 9:39
Remember, you’re listening to flashback Friday. Our new episodes are published every Monday and Wednesday. Right right. Yeah, very good point. And listeners if you don’t know what a series LLC is, these were being heavily promoted several years ago, but I haven’t seen them promoted. Very much lately and, and maybe some of it’s what Garrett is referring to, but a series LLC, in some places where you can have one entity, one limited liability company, but it can have sort of 16 different parts. Now maybe that number varies in different jurisdictions. But I saw one that had like 16 parts, and they’re all firewalled between each other. And, you know, it seemed like a really neat idea, but I don’t know I’m getting the feeling it’s gone out of Vogue and Garrett, I can’t wait for you to share with us why you’re not a fan of these. But but that’s good. You know, one of the things that you have done better than any other educator that I know of, and believe me, I’ve come in contact with a lot on this subject of structuring and proper, proper entity structuring is you really educated me and you know, many, many other people you’ve touched a lot of lives obviously with your with your books. How many books do you have, by the way, now?
I’m just coming out with my 10th
Jason Hartman 10:59
Oh, Just 10 only 10 bucks
Well, you know, Jason I do like to write so it’s, it’s, it is enjoyable for
Jason Hartman 11:08
good, good for you. That’s awesome. How many of those are in the rich dad? You know, advisor series with Robert Kiyosaki.
Six of them are rich dad advisor books. Excellent. Excellent.
Jason Hartman 11:19
Well, the next one be a rich dad advisor book or is it on your own?
No, I wrote that one with Gerry detweiler, a credit expert. So I’ll bring some copies of this new book to the event. Oh,
Jason Hartman 11:30
yeah, yeah. So is what tell us about the new book, what is that about is about like restoring your credit or managing it or enhancing it.
It’s called finance your own business. And it deals with the various strategies for starting a business, getting funded through crowdfunding, raising deck debt and equity. It just goes through all the various examples, all the options that people have when they’re starting a business or they’re going to fund a real estate venture. I’ve never seen it put together in one book. So I’m really excited for this book. Excellent. Excellent.
Jason Hartman 12:06
Wow, that was very good. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to read that one myself care. That’s excellent. I can’t remember what I asked you before. Was there something else there? Or was that we kind of covered things? Sorry. I think
I think we covered it. I’m really looking forward to meeting your group in January in San Diego. And we’ll go through some important information that people really need to know going into 2016
Jason Hartman 12:31
Excellent. Well, Garrett Sutton, thank you so much. A couple quick announcements before we go to our guest today our 10th show with Emily talking about self talk and how to make it the best self talk you can. This was a great interview. So I really enjoyed it myself. But we’ve got our meet the masters of income property coming up that event coming up in January obviously Garrett will be speaking there. Guess what I thought for sure our room size was limited, but it looks like we got lucky. There is a scrapbooking conference. You know scrapbooking where people cut things out and make these little scrapbooks. Well, anyway, their event didn’t turn out so well they didn’t have nearly as many people as they thought. So they’re giving up one of their ballroom sections. And we can use it. So we were able to expand the size. So we’ve got room for now, I believe 138 people at this event. So we do have some more tickets available. Go to Jason hartman.com. I thought there was no way we’d be able to expand but we did. So that I just got that news literally yesterday. It’s now Friday. We’re recording this release on Monday, but I got that news yesterday Thursday. So that’s good news. And then also, of course, if you’re interested in the venture Alliance mastermind group, we are headed to Dubai in February Dubai, the jewel of the Middle East, really one of the jewels of the world. These are totally high end first class trips, go to venture Alliance mastermind dot com and get the details on that. You’re welcome to join us as a one time guest. The guest fee is only $2,000 airfare is very low to Dubai. It’s exceptionally low actually, we’re flying a bunch of us out of lax on Emirates, one of the best airlines in the world and I just can’t wait it’s gonna be a phenomenal experience. Jason Hartman calm click on events for meet the masters and venture Alliance mastermind.com for the Dubai trip. And let’s go to our guest and talk about self talk. It’s my pleasure to welcome Emily filler amo to the show. She is the author of a new book entitled How to permanently erase negative self talk so you can be extraordinary. And you know, this is a very important subject. I often say that the most important conversation we will ever have is the conversation we have with ourselves and we’re doing it all the time. So it is crucial Call subject. Emily. Welcome. How are you?
Emily Filloramo 15:02
I’m great. Jason, thank you so much for having me.
Jason Hartman 15:04
Good. Good. Did you tell yourself You are great today when you woke up?
Emily Filloramo 15:11
Is that how you do self doc?
Emily Filloramo 15:13
Actually, when you asked me some questions regarding this, I’m going to share that this is the kind of thing that you don’t even need to remind yourself that you’re great, because you will wake up knowing that you are great.
Jason Hartman 15:26
So tell tell us about self talk. I mean, maybe a little bit more on, you know, what is the definition of self talk? Yeah, you know, they say if you talk to yourself, there’s something wrong with you, right? But But everybody’s talking to themselves.
Emily Filloramo 15:41
No, no, there’s nothing wrong with you. So So what people have to understand is that we are all made up of like little parts of us, those sub personalities that kind of are part of our inner team. So I like to use the metaphor of a bus. So imagine driving the bus of your life. You trying to push down on the accelerator to try to go somewhere really big, whether it be improving your health, improving your career, improving your relationships, or just wanting more joy in your life. So you’re trying so hard to push the life of your, your life forward with, with, you know, trying to get a promotion or get a hot date or just trying to lose weight and just be a better person. You’re trying all these things and you know that you deserve to get what you want, or your conscious thinking is telling you, you deserve this. But for some reason for many people there, there are some areas of their life where they can’t seem to manifest what they want. So they feel like there’s parts and parts of them that are just blocking them and they can’t figure out what that block is. So essentially, that’s like you’re trying to drive the bus your life forward, but there’s parts of you that are just on the brakes of your life. And those are the blocks. Those are the voices. You know, anytime you try to let’s say, in dating and relationships, you know that there’s a cute girl at the bar. And you’re like, I know I should go up to that girl. I know that I’m handsome enough, but how come I don’t have the courage? So these are like the little parts of you that are speaking inside of your head that says, Who do you think you are? You are never the handsome looking guy in junior high school. Remember, you were the guy that was rejected at the junior high school dance, you were the wallflower. Or you’re not good enough, you’re not, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re gonna get rejected stop. So those are all those committee of characters that are inside of our heads that are holding us back each time we try to go outside of our comfort zone to try to materialize the relationship, the business opportunity or whatever it is that you want. So those are the negative voices and negative self talk that comes up. Okay, so can we wait Really control
Jason Hartman 18:01
that? I mean, is it as simple as telling ourselves to change the conversation? Or? Or is it more complex
Emily Filloramo 18:08
for some people just telling ourselves to change the conversation and just reminding ourselves that you’re not to be grateful for our lives and you’re great, you’re beautiful, that can take some people to a certain destination. But it could only bring you so far. And you may achieve, let’s say, a level of success in middle management, because you’ve moved up the ranks, but somehow you can’t materialize getting into the C suite or the VPS position or trying to get that $50,000 client. You’ve already making six figures, but you can’t make it half a million dollars. So in order to really unburden from those messages, we have to go a little deeper. And so that’s where you have to identify the parts of you that have thoughts, feelings, behaviors that are holding you back. That part of you that’s afraid of success. That’s afraid of failure. And you could get to know these parts and see how they protect you from actually going to the next level because these parts of you don’t feel like it’s safe for you to get there.
Jason Hartman 19:11
Okay, so I believe it was Henry David Thoreau who had a quote about people living in quiet desperation. And you mentioned that in the first chapter or in the introduction to your book, you say, Stop pretending everything is great. Or a lot of people doing this and how do we know if we’re doing it or not? And what are the consequences to that?
Emily Filloramo 19:33
Well, some people they say everything is great. And you just
Emily Filloramo 19:39
think about the last person that said everything is great. And do you really feel that they’re really being genuine? Because a lot of people are living through a mask, the mask of this is what is expected of me. I’m supposed to get a good job have have children buy the right house, the right car, and Do what Madison Avenue tells me is supposed to be the meaning of success. And when you look at those people, you really have to ask, okay, I have all this money status and stuff. How happy am I? Do I wake up with joy every day? Or do I keep thinking, if I just get the next thing, if I just get a better car, if I just get a prettier wife, if I just have more money in the bank, I’ll finally be happy. So that’s the question that really has to be asked of ourselves is, are you happy on the journey to living to the full potential who you are? Because if you’re not, then it’s really you’re being driven by the demons from the past, because those demons are seeking validation from the outside instead of within yourself. And so that’s where people are living in quiet desperation, because they are keeping up with the Joneses. doing what they’re supposed to be doing. And you know what a lot of us do that in our 20s 20s and 30s, especially after college, because that’s what we’ve been expected to do. And that’s certainly what I did. But at the end of the day, when you really think deeply, how happy are you with all that money, status and stuff? How are your relationships? How’s your marriage? How’s your health? And if you’re not, how’s your emotional health? Are you happy? So if any of those answers are no, it could really be better. That’s where it’s a clue that some inner work needs to be done. If you want to reach that state of joy. And this joy, where you’re waking up, happy every day about yourself about your circumstances, on your way to living to your full potential.
Jason Hartman 21:40
Sure. Okay. Makes sense. And I think that’s a pretty good segue, really, to the kind of the format of your book where in chapter one, you talk about hidden shame, and the mask of perfection. Give us an example of maybe a couple examples of the hidden shame concept.
Emily Filloramo 21:56
Hidden shame is a lot of us and I could, you know, tell you a little bit A bit of my story, hidden shame because I was shamed so much for being Asian as growing up. And in New York. There was just a lot of parts of me that felt like I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m just so ashamed of being Asian because in our family was one of the poorest on the block. So I was, I didn’t have the friends that I needed. I felt really poor versus my peers. I never felt like I belonged. And so after college since after I got a corporate job and was making good money, it was a way for me to go shop and decorate myself and design a clothing and nice things for the house. Basically, to keep up with the Joneses as a way of really showing the Joneses in the suburban community that I lived in that look,
Emily Filloramo 22:47
Emily Filloramo 22:48
I could keep up just like you because that part of me that was frozen in the past in college, especially a hard memory where where I was brushing my teeth. And these college girls that were that grew up in a very wealthy town. They all came in with their care packages that they got from their parents back in the 80s. There were no cell phones. And so they got all these care packages. And there I am really feeling ashamed of being Asian and being poor and not from a prep school, because these were the same girls that rejected me from their sorority.
Jason Hartman 23:22
But I mean, New York is like a tossed salad or melting pot, whichever one you want to use. It’s not like being Asian was a big deal in New York. They were growing up was it? I mean,
Emily Filloramo 23:34
it was where I grew up, because I was one of the very few Asians in Queens. And then now it’s much more a much more of a melting pot, but where I grew up, you know, there were a lot of African Americans and Caucasian people and I was one of the very few Asians. So being shamed like that and not feeling like belonged anywhere. It stays with you because your brain when you’re young is so programmable. And when you don’t have the support system at home, to tell you that you are lovable. Because I didn’t feel loved at home either. So I didn’t feel loved at school at our love at home. So all those parts of me after I got out of college, I just like swept under the rug. It’s like okay, now, okay. And so so you, you were basically compensating for them, right? Trying to look successful and so forth. Right. Okay. So give us another example of maybe someone else. Some, you know, other story you know, of, or someone you’ve counseled about this, that, you know, maybe so people can have another example. Absolutely. So typical are some of the leaders that that I have counseled who are controlling and arrogant. They need to be the boss. They don’t have any empathy for the people that work for them and it’s my way or the highway or the employees feel like they feel disengaged. And and because they feel like their bosses videos and care. So people who are arrogant, controlling, have an angry edge. These are also people hiding shame underneath, especially men because men are not given permission to really show their emotional side for the most part and So, boys get bullied at school just like girls get bullied, like, like, like I did it because every one of us has some incidents that we feel like we weren’t good enough. And for some of these people who were bullied and shamed, they end up with controlling behaviors so that when they grow up, they will never have anybody shame them again. So they need to become that leader that becomes the boss so they could control other people. Because they’re afraid that if they don’t have control that the little boys inside of them might get stirred up.
Jason Hartman 25:33
Yeah, that’s that’s one of it. the sickest things i think that you know, maybe bugged me the most is the concept of the bully. And although you didn’t mention bully, it’s a close parallel. I think what you were saying right. And, and Gosh, I just I do not like the bully there.
Emily Filloramo 25:53
Yeah, yeah. No, but but what we have to what we need to realize is that the reason why so this is how When you understand this concept of psycho spiritual healing based on internal family systems, not only will you be more aware of yourself and how you became who you are based on your little and big traumas, you will have not only compassion for yourself, you will also have compassion for those people who push your buttons. And those people that are not nice to you, you know, like that controlling loss. And you’re going to see it as it’s just a part of them that took on an extreme behavior as a result of, of trauma that they experienced, that they may not even be aware of. It’s just and and it’s because all of our real selves, the real, real, highest spiritual self, of who we are, we’re all compassionate and loving towards ourselves and others. And so when you understand and have compassion for leaders that bug us or the husband that needs to control us, that gets angry. And so those people are just acting out of their rooms and you will see Oh, that angry part He’s angry, it’s just a part of him. It’s not the real him, the real him underneath that is so full of love and compassion. And and so if people are so wounded, that real self may be nowhere to be found and it cannot be found until they do the inner work to become more self aware and release the burdens that they have been holding on to from the past.
Jason Hartman 27:23
All right, good. Good. What else do we need to know about this? You know, maybe something I haven’t asked
Emily Filloramo 27:28
what what else we need to know is that all of those behaviors feelings and thoughts you know, eating too much drinking too much procrastinating shopping too much anger, numbness, afraid of failure, afraid of rejection, you know, all those parts of us that are kind of on the brakes at the bustle of our lives, when we understand how those parts came into being and and what they need in order to release their behavior. Because what they really need is heal the vulnerable parts of us underneath. That the the shame little girl and the shame little boy, whatever it is. So if they, once you get to know the protective system, let’s say the part of you that eats too much, most people hate the part of them that eats too much. Instead of saying hating it, let’s be friended and find out what its role is in keeping you with an extra 20 pounds off because it believes that it’s not because more than likely it believes that is it is not safe for you to be attractive and get noticed. And that’s why it keeps some weight on. And so once it hears the story, then then it will give you permission to go to the vulnerable parts of you that are still stuck in the past that was called chubby or maybe that was abused. And when you rescue those parts of you vulnerable parts of you out of the past, loved by you and rewired of their negative beliefs because those parts of you take on. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not worthy. I’m fat, I’m ugly, whatever it is.
Jason Hartman 28:55
That’s the self talk. That’s
Emily Filloramo 28:56
the self talk that okay, well anytime you’re saying I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve this. It’s okay. Okay, so
Jason Hartman 29:02
do we really talk to ourself in such a literal manner? I mean, no, I, you know, how do we know we’re even doing this first of all? Right, right, right. I mean, it’s not a parent, it’s not obvious that we’re doing this right. This is under the radar. It’s a subconscious thing, or is it? Or is it conscious? Do we know we’re doing it and we can just catch ourselves?
Emily Filloramo 29:25
You can catch yourself sometimes No, if if some people tell me I try to meditate, but I got all these all this inner chatter going on. So you could recognize and just be aware of what they are. But another way to do this is really think about Okay, as you’re trying to drive the bus of your life forward. What is that number one goal right now, let’s say for the next six months that you really want to achieve, you know, maybe it’s health, maybe your career maybe to a relationship. And okay, so when you think about trying to achieve that, are there any fears and concerns about achieving That what parts of you have any doubts? Well, you know, there’s that part of me that pay five to lose 20 pounds that Hmm, my husband might get jealous because he’s got weight problems, and he’s got insecurity issues. Wow, if I’m a little hotter than he is, and I get noticed, I might, I might ruffle the feathers of this relationship. So I’m not sure if this is safe. And so that’s how you identify is it really safe for you to reach that goal? What relationships are going to be affected? And what would you have to be accountable for that you’re not accountable for now because of the excuses you’re hiding behind?
Jason Hartman 30:44
Just a reminder, you’re listening to flashback Friday. Our new episodes are published every Monday and every Wednesday. People really don’t like change, do they? Our mind is a creature of habit isn’t that it appears that way to me all all of those things you mentioned are you know they cannot change and if there’s going to be change that’s scary right?
Emily Filloramo 31:11
Yes change is scary because it’s it’s the Devil You Know is better than the devil you don’t know. It’s easier to live in darkness than light
Jason Hartman 31:21
or maybe that that saying should be revised. The Devil You Know is more comfortable than the angel you haven’t met yet? I’m gonna revise that statement.
Emily Filloramo 31:34
That’s a good one what is just like Marianne Williamson quote now Our deepest fear deepest fears not that bad. Actually,
Jason Hartman 31:39
you know what? You can say that by the way Sorry to interrupt you but I think that’s a Nelson Mandela quote that she hijacked I’m just saying
Emily Filloramo 31:47
you’re just right. Yeah,
Jason Hartman 31:49
you’re right. You know, she she gets that it gets attributed to her, but I’m pretty sure that was Nelson Mandela, who said,
Emily Filloramo 31:54
I think so too. I’m just gonna say the first three sentences which is like so powerful, which is Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we’re powerful beyond measure. And it is our light, not our darkness. that frightens us. Mm hmm. So and and it’s true and all the people that I have worked with, who are trying to quantum leap to the next level, you know, I have a baby. I basically work with overachievers, who are trying to get to that next level. As they get bigger and bigger and the spotlight is shining on them is the more oh my gosh, I can’t hide anymore. Because think about it in order to unleash the full potential of who you are. Even if you’re that nerdy scientist that is in the lab all day. If you only show full potential make a difference on this planet. With your discovery, you’re going to be in the spotlight, no matter what. And because you’re going to be asked to speak at conferences and and and and because when you publish papers, you know you’re still going to be in the spotlight. So no matter what your field is, if you are unleashing your life You will be guaranteed in the spotlight. And many times many of the people No, no, no, no, I can’t be in that spotlight, I’m afraid because I was shamed when I was I tried to give us a speech in fourth grade and the kids made fun of me. So that has to be unburdened from the past in order for them to step into their light. And there needs to be some hand holding as they get bigger and bigger because new layers get revealed. If if they don’t do the work, the inner work to get over the past. Mm hmm.
Jason Hartman 33:32
How does someone know if they’re comfortable or uncomfortable with the the spotlight for example, you said like if they achieve something great in their career, they’re going to be in the spotlight. And your thesis seems to be and probably many other people in your field seems to be that well, people sabotage themselves because they don’t really want to be in the spotlight. They’re afraid of that. Is that a correct assessment?
Emily Filloramo 33:58
Yes. Yes, they sabotage themselves because they’re afraid of the attention, which is what
Jason Hartman 34:03
many people would think, gosh, I want attention, because that’s going to further my career. And you know what, what happened to the whole idea of doesn’t everybody want to be rich and famous? You know, I mean, not everybody does, obviously. But I was actually talking with someone about the life of celebrities recently. And, you know, it seems like that would be really neat for about a weekend and then it would become incredibly annoying that you would be like a prisoner. You know, you couldn’t do anything.
Emily Filloramo 34:28
Yes, exactly. So everybody thinks that they want to be in the light, and we are all meant to be in the light because just think about it. We were all born happy and balanced as babies, we could do no wrong. And that is our natural state. That that is our natural state, a balanced human being that can be both an introvert and an extrovert. So these parts of us again, introversion extroversion, they’re just parts. Some people go into an extreme and become extreme extroverts. Some people go become an extreme introvert and develop a shyness part to protect them because they didn’t feel that shining, their light was safe. And again, that’s that’s all rooted in the past. So we’re all born balanced individuals and to get back to balance where it’s okay to shine the light. It’s about discovering Where did the root of though that shyness came from. And I work with a lot of people with shy parts. And like one of my clients, his shy part came on at 18 months old when his younger brother was born. And he didn’t know how to continue to get mom’s attention because mom was attention was on the baby. So his system got into a got into got into gear and decided that we’re going to get extremely shy, so that mom pays attention to us. And shyness has been throughout his whole life. And now it is, it is it is a detriment to his career, because
Jason Hartman 35:53
you would almost think that would be the opposite, though. Don’t we want to be loud and you know, interruptive, and bombastic. To be to get attention to get mom’s attention in that example,
Emily Filloramo 36:03
some some people will end up going the opposite way to get that kind of attention. But with him, his inner landscape decided to go the opposite way. So these so we’re all born balanced until traumas happened to us, you know, big and little traumas, it could be something as stupid as like mom giving you the wrong luck. And all of a sudden, the part that used to be balanced that could get that they’ll bring on scientists, once in a while, decides to go into an extreme role and be shy all the time. No.
Jason Hartman 36:32
See, that’s, that’s an interesting part of human psychology. And that’s why it’s such a soft science, I guess it’s really hard to tell like, you know, you mentioned, well, what if what if your parent looked at you the wrong way when you said or did something and then, you know, your brain just kind of imprints that and then you live out a script for decades. It’s a mind boggling field. It really is. Yeah. Wow. That’s amazing. Tell us a little bit more before you go Emily about the mechanic. annex of this, you know, the real mechanics of this, of making changes that we want to make. So, you know, maybe we assess herself talk. And if you want to talk about the mechanics of that, feel free to. And then what do we do? Are we just literally as we’ve kind of touched on earlier in the interview? Do we just literally tell ourselves? Well, you know, don’t do that. Don’t say that to yourself. Is that Is it really that simple? Or are there more mechanics to it?
Emily Filloramo 37:29
It all depends on how far you want to go with this. So you can begin this to get to know the protective parts of you, you know, those parts of you that are holding down on the brakes. You know, let’s say the part of you that is afraid to ask for a raise, and Okay, so, so you get to know this part. How long have you been in my life for me too afraid to ask for what I want? That’s, you know, you name the part, the part of me that is afraid to ask for what I want. And so how long has this been in your life? What is your job? What do you need in order to relax your job or Let go of your job all together. What are you afraid of, if you don’t do your job of holding, holding me back from asking for what I want. So I’ll give you a quick example. I was working with somebody who’s trying to manifest $25 million into the next phase of his business, he needs to get $25 million in investor money and he was procrastinating with picking up the phone to ask the to do the contact work to meet them for lunch or whatever to ask for money. And we found out this part of him that didn’t want to ask, started at two years old, two years old when he would ask for stuff from his mom and his mom would just ignore him and not give him what I want. Give him what he wants. And so this part essentially took on the role of it’s not it’s, it’s it’s the part that doesn’t like to ask for things, because it took on the belief that okay, it’s not safe because mom doesn’t give it to you. So it’s that two year old part of him so this part that doesn’t pick up the phone for him is protecting a two year old underneath that Who took on the belief that when you ask for what you want, you will not get it. So don’t even bother. And so that two year old was holding him back from picking up the phone. Because it didn’t believe that he was going to get it. And so it’s when you get to know the job of this protective system. When did it come to come into your life? What is its job to protect you, it was afraid that you’re going to keep getting rejected, and it was afraid that you’re just going to feel like that two year old who just feels worthless. So it’s protecting you from feeling worthless. What does it need in order to let go of the job? It really needs you to rescue that two year old out of the past. And and so it’s getting to know the protective system. So they gives you permission to go and heal the vulnerable parts of you to bring them into the present to say, Hey, I’m not two years old anymore. I’m 45 years old. And look, I’ve made it through life. This is what I’ve accomplished already. And I need your help to to manifest The next level of success. So this is essentially the parts of you that are on the brakes, we just identify the part of you that is afraid to ask. And then the two year old part, the exile part of you, that is like frozen in that memory that those those parts were on the brakes of this clients bus. And so once you learn what the job of the part is, what does it need to relax because it really wants you to help you to make phone calls, but it can’t right now because it’s still stuck in a two year old memory. And and so when you the highest real self of who you are, you have all the power to heal your parts and listen to what they need and give them all the love that they need needed that they didn’t get way back then. Then these parts of you release their burdens and these parts you could get off the brakes of your bus and they become the cheerleaders in the passenger seats of your bus with pom poms in hand as you do the scary things to move forward in your life. And that’s how your whole system of all these sub personal He’s inside of you. They all realign and they let the real you the highest spiritual self of who you are be the driver of the bus and they will allow you to allow you to push full throttle forward on the gas pedal as you do the scary things to manifest the next level in your health in getting more money more successful and and manifesting better relationships and of course you know manifesting the joy that you so desire to feel every single day as you live out to your full potential.
Jason Hartman 41:32
Emily tell people where they can find you.
Emily Filloramo 41:33
My website is be more extraordinary calm. And my email is Emily at be more extraordinary.com. And of course there’s there’s the book
Jason Hartman 41:45
Yeah, fantastic. And the book of course is on Amazon with great reviews, how to permanently erase negative self talk so you can be extraordinary. Emily, Phil Romo. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Emily Filloramo 41:55
You’re so welcome Jason.
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